What a triathlon taught me about how to finish my Ph.D

All my life, I've engaged in activities that require endurance.

Around the age of ten I was spending 12+ hours a day during the summer, driving a tractor, or a combine, depending on whether it was Spring, or Fall. During the summers I wasn't on the farm, I was with my other Grandfather, shingling houses. Starting before dawn, the twelve-year-old me packed bundles of shingles, performed 'tear-offs', hammered uncountable nails, and picked up more roofing scrap than I want to think about.

In high school, in the Fall, every day I was up at 6AM for marching band practice, then school, then cheerleading practice, lifting and throwing 120lb girls for three hours.  In the Winter, I wrestled. I was in the weight room at 6AM, then school, and then wrestling practice til 6PM.  I was cutting weight from my normal 180 lbs down to 145 lbs, so often, after practice was over, I was running to sweat off water weight.

In college, I learned about biochemistry. I also learned about something called an "Ironman Triathlon", I swore that one day I would be an Ironman.

Last summer, I trained for my first Half-Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run). It was daunting, I failed a lot of my training goals, I was often discouraged. I frequently had to force myself to head out the door for a ten mile run, or a fifty mile ride, often after already having swam 2000 meters that day. Every pool session was a mental battle not to cheat myself out of the laps I needed to accomplish. Upon race-day, I was nervous, anxious, terrified, and determined. Exiting the water, I could hardly run in a straight line to my racked bike, coming off the bike, my legs were completely numb. I was drained physically and emotionally. I just wanted to sit down, and cry. I then ran thirteen miles knowing I couldn't do it, and forcing myself to do it anyway. I finished first in my age group.

I'm not an Ironman yet. But I can be, if I choose to make it happen.

I've been working on a Ph.D in Biochemistry, for seven years. I'm months from defending my thesis before my adviser and committee. I'm nervous, anxious, terrified, and determined. It's daunting. I fail at a lot of my daily goals. I often feel discouraged. Yesterday, I spent 17 hours in my lab, and my results where not quite the success I was hoping for, the success my ego needed. I stood outside the chemistry building at 3AM this morning, thought about my mediocre lab results, discouraged. But, instead of giving in to frustration and anxiety, I thought about everything I'd learned from that series of experiments.

I'm not sure if I have what it takes to finish my Ph.D. I don't know if I can do this. At this stage, when I've come so far, and learned and accomplished so much, I'm emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. Every day is a struggle to keep going, and every single day matters. I couldn't imagine ever getting through that thirteen mile run, but I could handle one more block, and then I could handle the block after that, and then I could get to that next mile marker, and then just one more mile...

When I think about the next eight months, I can't possibly imagine how I can muster what it will take to successfully defend, there is so much to be done that my head spins just thinking about it. But, I can write one more paragraph, one more paper, one more chapter. I can read one more journal article. I can set up one more experiment. I can analyze one more data set. I can do it for one more day, and just one more day, and then one more day...

I'm not a Ph.D yet. But I can be, if I choose to make it happen.