iPod FTW

I'll update this thing someday. Maybe when I'm done with my PhD. For now I'm typing on my iPod from an undisclosed location.

Half Ironman Finisher

Five months and thousands of miles culminated on July 26th when I finished my first Half Ironman, the Headwaters, in 5 hours and 47 minutes. I was seventh overall and first in my age group.

When I got off of my bike after a 56 mile hammer fest and then had to run a half marathon, I wanted to cry. My weak mind wanted to quit, I knew for certain I'd never ever ever be able to run 13.1 miles. The sun was blazing by then. My knees were shredded. I was exhausted, done. I ran a mile on numb feet. Shuffling, I kept going. For about two hours all I could think was JUST.KEEP.GOING.

I didn't sprint the last mile, or even the last hundred yards, like I'd fantasized about for months during training. I barely even ran the last mile. But, I ran it. I kept going when the only thing I wanted to do was stop; when I could hardly contemplate starting that run in the first place, I put one foot in front of the other and I just kept going.

Apparently you have to physically be in Coeur d'Alene to sign up for the race the following year. I guess I'm driving out to Coeur d'Alene in late June.

A goal, not THE goal, but A goal.

Created by OnePlusYou

I've thought about blogging about this, but there's not much to say except, on July 26th, 2009, I am doing the Headwaters Half Ironman. It's a big deal to me as it's a major stepping stone to a full Ironman, which is the real goal. But, the Headwaters Half is the most immediate goal. I will swim, I will ride, I will run.

blech

I can't think of anything I hate more than getting a lecture together, which is the soul purpose of this hear post.

That, and exploring the wonderful world of homophones...

Anyone have any good powerpoint slides?

Bravery

My name means 'one who is brave'. I'm terrified to sleep. So many things cause me such anxiety, sometimes I can't stand it. One who is brave is one that faces one's fear. It has cost me much to stand up to my narcolepsy.

I'll face it. I'll face it. And I'll hammer. I'll hammer. I'll be strong when my brain tells me to be weak. I'm broken, but I'll make that the reason I try to be stronger!

I will overcome this! I will run! I will swim! I will ride! I'm broken, and I will never ever stop. I'll be better.

One thing is for sure...

If you know me long enough I will contradict myself. I hated Bridger until I loved it, and thought mustache bars were stupid, until I put one on a bike and realized they are incredibly comfortable. And after saying I loved steak too much to ever become a vegetarian, I have now gone a week consciously not eating meat, and I don't really miss it. I'm still not sure how I feel about run-on sentences and/or starting them with the word 'and'

Things change.

My One Hundredth Post...

I get smack from my peeps about posting stuff on my blog and then deleting it, mostly just from Wiley and Sam, just this once I'll post something "personal" and then not subsequently delete said post. Regardless of how emotionally significant that process might be (yeh, $@#% off everyone who gave me shit about deleting blog posts, there's more than one of you, Google Reader is BS!!).

There are two things I get the pleasure of overcoming in the course of my life. I try to view my personal obstacles in the same light as a hill or a headwind, but the fact of the matter is, it's different, they're different. I'm broken. I get the pleasure of being a Narcoleptic, which means, contrary to popular belief, that I never ever ever get to sleep, ever. When you go to sleep tonight, imagine someone electrocutes you every time you nearly fall asleep. Imagine what it's like to be electrocuted every time you try to fall asleep!! That's what I look forward to every night of my life, I'm going to have an anxiety attack if I even think about my bed. Just leaving work with the expectation of going home causes my heart beat to double.

I therefore, subsequently have a common panic disorder. Most people end their day looking forward to sleeping, I'm terrified of laying in my bed. I have an anxiety attack just thinking about my bed. Leaving the kitchen to walk upstairs to my bedroom causes me such anxiety I nearly vomit.

Some people will read the previous sentence and disregard it, much like a person in Southern California will discount negative 20 degree weather. If you know what minus 20 feels like, we can talk about minus 20, otherwise...if you haven't experienced a level of anxiety concurrent with that which I've experienced...well...if you even have to think about it, you have no idea what I go through every day of my life.

I'll spend my life overcoming these issues. I'll spend my life broken. I'll spend my life better. I'll laugh while I do it, because I laugh when I see a hill, and when the wind blows in my face. The more it hurts the more I'm going to hammer. If you beat me up a hill, I'm going to try harder to beat you next time. If I fail, I'm going to try harder to beat you next time.

Whatever you are, Narcolepsy or a headwind, I'll hammer in your face. I'll face you and I'll win!!